The hurricane of low self-esteem

Like everything in life, self-esteem requires a healthy balance. If it is tilted towards one extreme, it can become arrogance. If tilted towards the other, it can drop to low self-esteem.

I am blessed to have so many friends open up their problems to me, and i do sympathise with them. With friends who are less confident, i show them a “mirror” so they can see what wonderful people they really are. Some people don’t realise they are special until they are told so, which is such a shame because they don’t develop their potential since they can’t see it in the first place. Others can’t develop because they take every advice as a critque about them. They may take these comments as criticisms attacking them personally instead of using it to better themselves. Low self-esteem can be a vicious cycle – a hurricane – a self-fulfilling prophesy.

To take an objective example, some students lack confidence in writing or speaking. When they recieve a low mark or comments to improve their work, they see this as evidence of their poor writing or speaking skills, or even intelligence. So next time when their is an assessment, they are less confident as before, and anxiety may drag their performance down. By taking constructive criticisms personally, the vicious cycle of low self-esteem turns into hurricanes.

In Buddhism, some use the analogy of a target. It’s like we all walk around holding targets, some bigger than others. Since we hold a target, we get hit by arrows of criticism (and praise). The Buddhist concept of non-self is when we learn to let go of the target, so we become unmoved by others’ criticism and praise. We see ourselves for who we are, and not from the point of view of others or our ego.

I know this is a sensitive issue for many, and i hope i don’t offend anyone in this blog. My analysis of this might be shallow and generalised too, but i hope that it sheds some perspective for those who are going through this, or helping someone out of it.

Just to wrap up, another way out of low self-esteem is metta (loving-kindness) meditation to yourself and those around you. We spend the most time with ourselves more than anyone else, and yet, some find it so difficult to care and love for themselves in the same way they do for others. Remember, you also have a lot to give, and you have potential.

Believe it or not, you need and deserve love too.