Light in Darkness

I’m sure you’ve heard it many times, in many different ways -

“It’s the difficulties that test your character.”

“It’s the hardships that make you stronger.”

“It’s enduring the worse times that you learn the most important lessons of your life.”

“What doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger.”

Etc, etc.

Now, I also agree with that. All my greatest achievements have been from enduring and overcoming the greatest difficulties in my life. I have learnt to be grateful for those challenging times, because that is where I have developed my skills, compassion and wisdom. I have learnt to see the silver lining, the positive side of everything, the light in darkness.

Knowing all this, makes enduring all those difficult times a bit easier…but not easy enough. Sometimes i wonder why it is that it must be through the negative that the positive comes through, why truth must be found in its opposite? I am so sure that it is possible to see things the way they are, without needing to only come to realise something through its negative.

For example, why can’t we appreciate what we have before we lose it? Why can’t we see the preciousness of every moment before it’s too late? Why can’t we see the importance of love and kindness on others before we get hurt first? Why can’t we realise that we are actually amazing individuals capable of doing incredible things…before we hit rock bottom first?

Actually, it is possible. If we are open enough to every experience and to what is happening around us, that awareness becomes our wisdom. We don’t need to experience poverty to really understand it if we have great empathy. But how many of us can really empathise to such a degree? I feel sometimes we experience this life only vicariously instead of through direct experience. Our knowledge is second-hand, from the books we read or from what we hear or see on the media.

In truth, every single moment is so full. So much is happening, but our minds are so overloaded with stimuli we are conditioned to block out more than to receive. If we can learn to be still enough to hear what life has to say, what it has to give and to teach, i believe we can develop ourselves to be better people, even in the good times, as well as the bad.

Quote of the Day

“Sorround yourself with People

who want to make You a Better Person.”

 

 Not to associate with the fools,

associate with the wise…

This is the highest blessing.

 
~ Buddha in Mangala Sutta (The Discourse on Blessings) ~

Power of a Smile

“Smile!”

Then the camera flashes. As the light fades, so does your smile. You ever smile at someone as a thank you or hello, and once they leave your mouth returns to its normal thin line?

Next time, just hold it a little longer. Make the most of the opportunity, and Smile from the Heart. Smile as if you are smiling at them. Not just smiling for the sake of acknowledging their meager presence that conveniently happened to make its way into your life. Smile as if something good in you is given to them. Smile without expecting them to return the smile. Smile with gentleness and naturalness.

Smile because when you really smile, others can see it. Your eyes glitter, your smile is prettier, and your face glows.

Smile because that’s the kind of face that brings happiness in others. Who knows, it might even brighten someone’s day.

Smile because it can uplift your spirit and make you a happier person.

Smile because life can be difficult. Might as well make the most of the happy times, and learn to develop determination and patience through those difficult times.

Smile because you might miss the point if you take life too seriously all the time.

Smile because it’s infectious, and others would want to smile too. It is the new way to change the world, regardless of who, where and when you are.

Smile because it’s the cheapest, but most endearing gift you can give someone.

Smile because that’s the face that people fall in love with, and remember for years to come.

Hope you’re smiling by now! If not, give it a try! What have you to lose?!

Riddle: What’s the longest word in the dictionary?

Answer:  “Smiles” because there’s a ‘mile’ between the first and last letter.

Story to share

There’s been many special moments in my life, and some – regretfully – I have forgotten. There was one event I had forgotten about completely, had it not been my dearest brother reminiscing about it over dinner. It was a very simple event, which makes it easy to forget, but nonetheless, it had a powerful impact on me as well. It happened to me about two years ago, and it went like this:

I was out shopping with mum. I was carrying about 7 environmentally-friendly, reusable, ‘say-no to plastic bags’ shopping bags in both hands, and trying to dodge incoming human traffic without losing sight of mum through the crowd.

I got my lucky break when mum stopped at a fruit shop to admire the various species of mangoes. I looked around for a seat outside the shop.

There were quite a lot of people standing, and all the seats were full – except one. I looked around and saw no one rush to take up the seat, so I plodded over and sat myself down. I put down my load and eased into the chair. Then I noticed the woman sitting next to me. A middle-aged woman with rusted burgundy hair, holding two melting ice-creams. She made some attempt to lick the ice-cream once in a while, but her movement was slow and lapsed that the ice-cream ran down over her hands and all over her clothes. I saw passers-by staring, and some passing by pretending not to see.

 

I never did this before, but I told myself that i want to care. And now i realise how powerful that can be. So I got up, gathered all 7 shopping bags in my right hand and went to the nearby ice-cream parlour. I asked for some tissues, but – seeing I wasn’t a customer – the shop attendant just gave me ONE hesitantly.  I returned to the seat – which remained empty – and handed the tissue to the woman. Seeing the woman unable to take the tissue, I began to gently clean the ice-cream from the woman’s face, hands and clothes. One tissue was not enough. I was just about to go for more tissues when the woman mumbled something. I couldn’t understand what she was saying, but I tried patiently to hear her. Finally she heard it, “Can you push me forward please?”

I lifted the woman to an upright position, and helped her to her feet. The woman stumbled a little, but regained her composure. She slowly turned to face me, “Thank you so much. I have Parkinson’s. It makes my muscles get stiff and tremor. It makes me move slower. So thank you so much for stopping.” And with that, she walked slowly away and disappeared into the crowd.

 

Later, as I walked away with my mother and her mangos, I saw the woman again. She wasn’t moving slow; she was all clean, and the ice creams were gone. She walked like everyone else, and didn’t even notice when I walked past her. I felt like waving to her, but thought better of it. I felt what I had to do what was done, and that was enough.

Even though i forgot the story until my brother reminded me of it, i never forgot the lesson learnt. I hope you cherish the opportunities that come your way to reach out to those around you, and find a connection with them and also yourselves.

Year of the Rat Forecast

2008 is the Year of the Rat. That’s my year!

Here’s some pictorial depictions predicting what the Year of the Rat has in store for me!

Zen Quote of the Day

When you come to a fork in the road…

take it.

It might look like this.

Four Immeasurable Minds Blessing

If you meet (your) jealousy,

I wish you mudita.

If you meet (your) self-hate,

I wish you karuna.

If you meet (your) anger,

I wish you metta.

If you meet (your chaotic) mind,

I wish you upekka.

Mudita is joy for other people’s happiness.

Karuna is compassion for other people’s suffering.

Metta is unconditional loving kindness.

Upekka is equanimity of the mind.

Together, they are the Four Immeasurable states.

Click here for the Ten Perfections Chant in Pali.

My Quote for the Week

“Perfection is found in Imperfection.”

How to Love those we Love

Think of the people who you love the most.

Family? Friends? Partners? Teachers? Collegues?

Undeniably, those who we love the most are those dearest and closest to us, whether physically seeing them all the time, or some link to our hearts no matter where they may be. Since they are the closest to us, it makes sense for us to know them best, and therefore, it should be easier for us to love them more than others. Right? Not quite.

We are more likely to get frustrated at our family member, than at our collegues at work. We are more likely to hold a grudge against our friends longer than at a random stranger who did a similar thing to annoy us.

Why?

Because we know that our families will forgive and understand us more than our collegues?

Because we have to maintain our professional facardes at work, but can really be who we are at home? (Including angry!)

Because our friends (and their actions) have more meaning to us than strangers?

Because we have certain expectations on those who are nearest and dearest to us?

Because we “know” or expect these people to be caring and loving to us, and shouldn’t do things to annoy us?

Because we know our loved ones will stick by us no matter what?

Now…

think of the one person who you love more than anyone in this world. Let’s be honest here. Who is it?

It’s…you.

You love yourself much more than anyone in this world. You spend more time with yourself, know yourself the most, and you often see the world in reference to yourself. (For example, if you read something, you’re more likely to remember the information that relates to you in some way.)

But get this:

You are also most likely to be annoyed, frustrated, impatient, upset, unforgiving, critical, and angry at yourself more than anyone in this world. You are more likely to have higher expectations for yourself than you do of others. Ironic isn’t it?

Then, of course, there is the other extreme. There are people who see everyone’s faults except their own. Their irony lies in the truth that of all the people in the world, they know themselves the least.

So what of it?

If it is true that those we hurt the most and the most frequently are those closest to us, then we should be even more mindful of speech, actions and intentions. Just as we don’t want to be hurt by those we love, we also don’t want to hurt them. Just as we don’t want to feel neglected, we shouldn’t neglect those who appreciate our care the most. Just as we don’t want to shoulder the expectations of others, so too we should let go of our expectations of others and ourselves.

New Year Wishes

I always do this every year as the clock ticks to midnight on New Years Eve. I take a deep breath. I close my eyes, and allow a smile to spread across my face. I open myself completely to the experience. In my mind I say to myself, “Enjoy these last moments of 2007.”

Then the clock chimes as it strikes twelve. I take a deep breath again. My eyes are still closed and the smile is still spread across my face. But this time I tell myself that it’s different. In my mind I whisper, “So this is what 2008 feels like.”

Then I chuckle and think what rubbish. It doesn’t feel different. The only thing that makes it different is my mind telling me so (and the fireworks and thousands of cheers around me). This year, i really saw through the arbitrariness of time.