Love ain’t blindMay 27, 2008
The first few months of a relationship is what people call the “honeymoon period”. This is when you spend every minute of every day seeing, talking, or even just thinking of Your Significant Other (“YSO”)…or so they say.
Other symptoms include walking around with a smile on your face just thinking of YSO (until you hit a pole), saving all the SMS you receive and sent to YSO (some girls even document it all!), making a great effort to please YSO and thinking YSO is close to perfect in all kinds of ways.
Some people have these symptoms for a good few months, while others get over it in the first three days (keep in mind that they can recur, however).
Everything is rosy – you think you’ve finally found the one, who cares and understands you in every way.
Then it happens. One day, you’re sitting there having a regular meal, or a regular chat on the phone, or regular stroll down the street with YSO…and s/he says/does/thinks/otherwise acts in a way that annoys/upsets/offends/confuses/plainpissesyouoff you in a very deep way.
You shrug it off.
Another day, same thing. Shrug it off.
Without tending to it, like a seed it grows, like a weed it tarnishes the whole garden bed. Your bed of roses turns to thorns.
It seems the longer the relationship, the more reasons you have to be annoyed at each other!
A Chinese proverb proclaims:
“Understanding brings people together;
understanding makes them fall apart.”
You are initially attracted to someone because you understand them, and they understand you. You share common views, values and are compatible. But the more you understand someone, the more these initial views, values and compatibility are challenged.
So what does all this mean? Have we a cause to despair?
I believe relationships – like other areas of life – are filled with bumps and roundabouts. We do our best, be true to YSO, but at the end of the day, don’t forget to be true to yourself, because you are the significant NON-other.
Be courageous to see life for what it is, including all its roses and thorns. Never cling onto what you have for fear of never regaining the same, because I can tell you that you will never get the same thing again, but you will get something different for better or worse.
However, don’t fall to the other extreme. Don’t be too pessimistic and give up without trying. Honeymoon period is for the initial butter-up, but the real test of love is when you can both ride on the road over the bumps and dead-ends…and to do it together. I think that’s when the bed of roses become nourishing vege-patches!
Check out this article from Psychology Today on how to follow your heart without losing your mind.