v., doubt·ed, doubt·ing, doubts.
v.tr.
- To be undecided or skeptical about: began to doubt some accepted doctrines.
- To tend to disbelieve; distrust: doubts politicians when they make sweeping statements.
- To regard as unlikely: I doubt that we’ll arrive on time.
- Archaic. To suspect; fear.
v.intr.
To be undecided or skeptical.
n.
- A lack of certainty that often leads to irresolution.
- A lack of trust.
- A point about which one is uncertain or skeptical: reassured me by answering my doubts.
- The condition of being unsettled or unresolved: an outcome still in doubt.
From time to time, doubt makes its visits, and if not carefully dealt with, builds its home in our minds.
Doubt stems from uncertainty, scepticism, distrust, and more importantly, fear. We may doubt our partners, our family and friends, our co-workers, our environment, our circumstances, our life, and ourselves. Doubt in a relationship is a tell-tale sign there is trust lacking, and in time, it slowly destroys the foundations upon which the relationship is built. Doubt as to the society we live in and the higher authorities that govern us similarly stems from mistrust and scepticism of them, fuelled by a constant feeling of powerlessness against the invisible pressures placed upon us.
Interestingly, doubt in ourselves similarly stem from a distrust in ourselves – whether in ability or personality – coupled with an inherent fear in having to face life’s continuous uncertainties. A feeling that we are not good enough, and an attribution of success on external, factors rather than ourselves. For example, instead of seeing our achievement as deserved and steming from our ability, we dismiss it by attributing success due to luck or coincidence. Another example is Groucho Marx’s timeless declaration – “I wouldn’t belong to any club that would have me as a member.”
All in all, at the core of self-doubt is a lack of self-confidence.
The detriment of doubt spirals – a doubtful person would often check and recheck everything they do, would be easily swayed by other’s comments on their work, would feel flushes of paralysing anxiety, and would allow fear to blind them, stopping them from making proper judgments and absorbing what’s going on around them. In turn, their work and life is affected, and they doubt themselves even more!
But as you can see from the denotations of doubt above, the word doubt is both a verb and a noun. So it’s something we actively do (verb), which brings us to the state of doubt (noun). The obvious solution is to get out of this state of doubt by actively doing something about it. But how? How to break this chain of anxiety and self-criticism?
I like what Dr. Normal Vincent Peale had to say in The Power of Positive Thinking, written over 50 years ago: “The secret is to fill your mind with thoughts of faith, confidence and security. This will force out or expel all thoughts of doubt, all lack of confidence. Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers, you cannot be successful or happy.”
Here are some tips I’ve suggested to others in improving self-confidence and dispelling self-doubt:
- See yourself for who you really are, not through eyes of critique, fear, or extreme modesty or arrogance.
- Develop insight into your emotions, anxieties and fear, and what better way than meditation!
- Reflect on how far you have grown in the last 6 months, in the last year, and be reassured you will grown even more in time.
- Be proud of your achievements, whilst being grateful to for all who have helped you in getting you to where you are now. Don’t believe that they are only proud of you when you achieve this or that, but that you have already made them proud.
- Believe in the goodness of your heart and intentions, and use that as your strength to continue on.
- Hold your head up high, walk tall, and feel the world belongs to you too.
- Visualise success, stay positive, and see the humour in whatever situation you end up in. Life is short, enjoy every moment to its fullest.
- Believe that anything is possible, and have faith goodness will prevail.
- For every negative thought that enters your mind, counter it with a postiive thought that arrives smiling from your heart.
- Don’t torture yourself by revisiting mistakes. Learn from it and move right along!
- Don’t copy others, don’t envy them, for really no one can be better at being you than you can! Remember that the appearance of confidence people put on, is merely an appearance. Be happy to be you.
- Be your own best friend – forgive yourself when you’ve made a mistake, award yourself when you’ve achieved a goal, encourage yourself when the going gets tough, learn to laugh with yourself at yourself, and be the inspiration for yourself.
It is easy to doubt ourselves sometimes, especially when the people or environment around us aren’t supportive. I have come to realise that my friends have made my life wonderful, but at the end of the day, we can’t rely on anyone but ourselves to get us out of our problems. It also puts the responsibility and power back into our hands, and makes ‘doubt’ a verb we can choose to not do!
