Red-faced Anger

I don’t think I’ve blogged about the emotion anger before, and if I have, I’ve since forgotten.

There’s different levels of anger, and even more different manifestations of anger. There’s the explosive anger that manifests itself in assaults, domestic violence, verbal and physical abuse, and those crazy acts that feature on Utube so frequently.

Then there’s the anger that’s less expressive, buried inside as a muffled sense of haughty self-righteousness and/ or self-pity. This anger may lurk from its cave, spat out with bitter sarcasm, condescendence or rude indifference. Tied to this emotion is a wounded pride, and an attempt to regain what is lost by forceful retailation to assert again your sense of self-worth.

But what people don’t realise is that the victims of anger is not only the object of your anger, but the pepetrator as well. If people realise this, I think they will drop this anger like you would drop a burning coal from your palm.

I’ll share with you my experience today, if not for the lesson, at least for a laugh.

I was having a conversation over lunch about the Indonesian refugees coming into Australia. I didn’t feel like launching into my usual debate about the rights of refugees and migrants, so stayed silent. The conversaton culminated in some racist comments about migrants – such as the Chinese – effectively ‘diluting’ the white populations of Australia. Mind you, I was sitting right there, and these were supposedly my ‘friends’. So I got up and walked away, but the comments continued despite them knowing I was upset at this.

Now, I make it a point to never say anything out of anger, as that’s usually when I say something I will regret later on. So I took a walk outside to clear my head. Mind you, in the 38 degree heat – no shade either. I was so caught up in my anger, and trying to rid it, I didn’t even realise the heat until I had walked too far.

I was out there for 20 minutes or so, my angry thoughts driving me forward. At one point, about 10 mins into my walk, I seriously thought I was going to faint from the heat, or contract skin cancer along the way. That’s when I halted my running thoughts and took a look within. By then, I can’t even remember what I was angry about. I realised if I kept holding onto this anger, my body won’t be sizzling from the burning sun, but from within as well. With deliberate intention, I let go of this anger, the sense of self-righteousness, and negativity. I started to conjure up feelings of tenderness and kindness, softening the tension created by the grasps of anger. After all, the best antidote for anger is kindness, for the two can’t co-exist at the same time. By the end of my walk, my face wasn’t red with anger, but scorched from the sun!

Looking back, I can laugh at how silly I was in punishing my body and mind, thinking I was finding peace. But looking back, I can also see in an honest way how easy it is for our rationality and calmness to be taken over by the force of anger and negativity. There is a real rush and power in the feelings of anger, aggression and self-righteousness. Our ego is falsely elated, but inevitably crushed as the emotion wanes and we see the damage done on ourselves and/or other people. Once my anger waned and I was out of the situtation, I seriously didn’t care what other racist comments are made, for I know that is only the opinions of few. I don’t even know why I got so angry about in the first place.

Well at least now I have gained a new meditation-object. In future, if I am caught in the emotional tide of anger and hate again, I can simply imagine my red-sunburnt-face to bring mindfulness back to cool the fire inside.