Archive for the ‘Fun’ Category

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Spring Cleaning the Home and the Heart

September 14, 2011

I never thought too much about spring cleaning until I had a real yearning recently to clean after months of living comfortably with the ‘stuff’ that was neatly stacked in strategic corners of my house.

It seems to me that animals weren’t the only ones who needed to hibernate and feel a need to store up during the colder months. Winter brought with it lethargy, depression and…hoarding.

Spring Cleaning the Home

Then spring comes. There’s something magical about the first few days of spring. Like the light at the end of a tunnel, the warm sunshine brings relief to the months and months of winter chills. The sun cheers up our moods, energises us out of hibernation, and opens our doors to the adventures of the great outdoors again. It makes us see the world in a different light – including our own homes.

So with much enthusiasm, I diligently went through each pile and each piece, rearranging things into their new homes or throwing them out if they were no longer needed. There were times when I hesitated and asked myself, “Should I, or shouldn’t I?” However, after seeing the piles of stuff I had kept “just in case” I might use it one day, but then not really using it anyway, I realised that if I hadn’t used it in the last six months, I wasn’t going to use it ever.

If I chose to keep a particular item, I would store it somewhere to create that sense of order. If I chose to throw something out, then I would do so without hesitating.

Surprisingly, each time I decided to throw something out, I actually felt glad to be ridding it from my life. I didn’t feel a sense of loss, but more of a sense of lightness. After all, the material clutter that surrounds us translates to a mental clutter within us.

Spring Cleaning the body, mind and spirit

Reflecting on this experience of letting go of the unwanted things in my life, I can see that we carry so much useless ‘stuff’ with us wherever we go.

Our bodies are in a continual state of tension and tiredness from the stress that we impose on it. I believe that many of us have forgotten what our bodies feel like when it’s truly relaxed because we have become so used to it in its tense state.

Our minds hold a lot of ‘stuff’ too – worries, fears, anxieties, daydreams, memories (good and bad), and that voice in our heads that is forever commenting and judging.

Finally, our hearts become a safe filled with hardened emotions and emotional baggage, some of which we may have even forgotten we deposited in there until it shocks us when it decides to resurface.

How to clean within

We can use the same clearing process of the physical home with our inner home.

We need to take it one piece from one pile at a time. We can start with any recurring thoughts or feelings that we do not find useful, or even harmful. We need to begin by seeing those thoughts or feelings objectively, because we can never clear anything if we still see it as ‘ours’. You then need to make a conscious choice: ‘Do I want to keep this, or do I want to throw it away?’

If you decide to keep it, then at least you know you have made this choice and you can then ‘store’ it in a place that is comfortable for you. If you decide to throwing it away, then you can visualise yourself letting it go with a triumphant smile. If it helps, you can even write it down what you are trying to rid and then erasing it or throwing the piece of paper away as a symbol of discarding those useless thoughts or emotions.

Surprisingly, we don’t only hoard material things ‘just in case’ we use them one day; we also attach onto a lot of emotions and thoughts in the same way as well. For example, we may hold onto a particular expectation or hope, believing that if we don’t then we would lose sight of our goal or lose our motivation. We may hold onto memories, for fear that should we stop replaying the scene in our heads, the moment would be lost forever. Memories, thoughts, emotions, play an important in our lives. However, if they begin to overcrowd our lives, then it’s a sure sign we need a spring cleaning to de-clutter.

Finally, one of the reasons I need to throw things out is because if I don’t, then I won’t have enough space to bring in anything new. In fact, by being conscious of the limited storage space at home, I become more mindful and vigilant in what I decide to buy. So before I make any impulse buys, I ask myself whether it’s needed and whether I am willing to sacrifice valuable storage space for this item.

Likewise, people fall into an emotional rut or an endless daydream when they are stuck in their old thinking styles. Until they can alter their way of thinking and open up their hearts to change, then it is difficult for anything new to enter into their lives in a profound and moving way. If we can think in this way, the next time that we choose to keep a particular thought pattern or negative emotion, we can consider what valuable space we are sacrificing that could be used to accommodate positivity instead.

Then, like a breath of fresh air in an early spring morning, we can experience a piece of calm and lightness, where our burdens no longer hold us down.

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The Rhythms of Life

March 24, 2011

This blog is not deserted! I know it’s been about three months since my last post, but rest assured, dear readers, I’ve still been writing in the meantime.

I’m pleased to announce that some of the pieces posted on this blog have inspired me to collate them with some new stories and poems into a book, which I have entitled “The Rhythms of Life”. It has been quite the journey, each story like a small part of me being shared with the world. There’s been some writings that didn’t make the final cut because I didn’t feel they met the required standard to be published, and more importantly, because they didn’t fit in the whole book, which I have arranged by themes. So instead, I will share them on this blog: Celebrating Clay and Mr and Mrs Wright.

I anticipate the book to be published sometime this year. Watch this space to get your own copy!

THE RHYTHMS OF LIFE

and other spiritual short stories and poems

By TINA NG

Here is a collection of stories and poems that portray the different rhythms that compose our dance through life. It is a creative expression of key universal themes from the Buddha’s teachings through stories, poetry and textual commentary. The themes explored are interdependency, impermanence, attachment, truth, practice and enlightenment. The creative pieces are thought-provoking, as the reader peels away at the different layers of meaning, finding potentially new depth each time the reader embarks on this journey within.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

TINA NG was born in Hong Kong, but grew up in Sydney where she continues to reside. A lawyer by profession, she aims to apply the principles of Buddhist morality and practice to the field of family separation and child protection. As an English tutor for over 7 years and a Primary School scripture teacher, she has a real interest in educating the new generation to think widely and deeply about the life they lead. She is an active member of the Buddhist community, having been involved in organising monastery retreats, curating exhibitions, editing dhamma books, writing and performing in Buddhist plays, and even had her couple-of-minutes of fame on television. She gives dhamma talks and has been published in Buddhist and non-Buddhist publications. The Rhythms of Life is her first book, drawing on some stories she had written for her blog.

*Photo courtesy of Chiang Hiang

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Tina’s Thai Trip 2

April 8, 2010

I’m in Bangkok, sweating it out (literally) in the busy city that never sleeps. Bangkok is filled with shopping markets littering every alleyway, crazy taxi drivers turning two lanes into five, massage parlors that close at 1am, and women with deep male voices selling me fake LV handbags. The Red Shirts are still protesting, causing road blocks and business closures in the Business District in particular. Yet the effects are felt throughout Thailand, as the tourism and trade industry are greatly affected (so I’m told by the local shop owners). Last night we were driving through a major intersection and got caught in the middle of the protesting Shirts. At first glance they look like they were just partying really, but a sinister undertone is felt as they pressured passing cars to buy they shirts and join in the rally. Hundreds have camped out in the Business District day and night.

We travelled to Ayutthaya on the day when the protesters were negotiating with the Prime Minister. I felt a strange irony visiting the ancient ruins of a city that was once the prosperous Capital but ultimately destroyed through its war with Burma.

Last week in Northern Thailand it was amazing. We started in Chiang Mai, travelled to Chiang Rai, Golden Triangle, Mae Hong Song, Pai and nameless towns (well actually they are called “Towns” literally). We visited the city of CM as well as its villages. We saw the lifestyle of the rich, and the poverty of the farmers. We stayed in the village at Chiang Mai that makes wooden products called “Alltop” which is sold nationwide (obviously at x3 the price for foreigners). If you saw the way they stuck each small piece of wood together with the glue on their fingers, you might think twice next time you want to bargain with them over a couple of dollars.

We went to so many different temples, it feels like I’ve been on a pilgrimage. We were fortunate to meet the abbots of the major temples here, who are so kind and generous. We went water rafting (not the extreme type), visited caves and waterfalls…..and of course, I rode an elephant! We received the hospitality of the local villagers, as well as from the monasteries, from my friends, and from fellow tourists navigating through this land with so much spice, not only in its food.

As for my travelling companions, I’ve got mum by my side; Phra Mick as our entertainer in CM and translator in BKK; Roongrat as our ultimate guide and trip planner in CM; and Toffee as our trip planner and accomplice in BKK. I also met up with Pele for dinner along the river, followed by a car trip to see the night life of BKK. Thanks to them, mum and I are able to have such a wonderful experience of Thailand! Cup-poon-cup!

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A fairdinkum reference

February 12, 2010

A friend of mine (who wants to keep his identity hidden for good reason) was asked to do a reference for someone. (I think it would be the last time.) I found it so amusing I asked for permission to share it with you all. He laughed and didn’t say “no”, so I’m taking that as a “yes”. So here it is. Names changed for protection of the “victim” in this case:

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TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN   

Dear Sir,

RE: Gertrude Petulia O’Brien

Gertrude has asked that I could provide her a reference. I told her that I would not but after her mother threatened me, I decided to provide it.

I first saw Gertrude, aged 11 years at the time, at the local hotel. I was amazed at how many schooners of beer she could drink, but it was the whisky chasers that was the most impressive. Needless to say, she could communicate with anyone, and had no difficulty in convincing the mildly intoxicated patrons to part with their money.

She is an industrious young girl, having made a small fortune from her uncanny ability to win at poker. So much so that she has been investigated for cheating (although never established). Gertrude believes these complaining bastards (her words) are just jealous of her “winning ability”. So I would be careful about leaving her near a cash register, or permit her to handle money.

She is a compassionate girl. The last time the police arrested her, she even apologised for bashing her friend senseless, which is a major show of compassion for her victim. Maybe her time in custody, and the psychological sessions are now beginning to work. Her mother told me that whilst she has a few more court appearances, she does not think Gertrude will receive any further custodial sentences, so she should be available for work most days.

Fortunately, Gertrude has now curbed her swearing. The foul mouthed gutter talk has abated, and I suspected that the face piercings have been reduced. The rash has gotten better (so her mother says), and she now covers her breasts when out in public.

I think you would be a brave person to employ her but beware of rejecting her application, the family can be very violent.

Yours faithfully,

Herbert Augustus

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Walking Down that Isle

July 10, 2009

Since the beginning of May this year, I’ve turned from normal-Tina (it’s all relative) into what my friends call the Wedding Organizilla (as opposed to Bridezilla). Those who have seen me running around like a madwoman on fire would mistake me as the one walking down the isle and organising the wedding of the lifetime. How very wrong they are.

It’s actually my big brother’s wedding & my sis-in-law Amy. Not sure how I happened to get the job as being the Wedding Planner, especially considering I’ve only attended a handful of “real” weddings in my lifetime. “Real” as in the “real-deal” walking down the isle wedding; not just the reception banquet with the thank-yous-all-very-much-for-coming-have-another-couple-of-drinks speeches.

So anyway, one of the first things I did was talk to the Bride&Groom (B&G) about what they want. The original idea was a white wedding in a stainless window church with everyone-under-the-winter-sun invited to it. There would be the whole walking-down-the-isle to gospel music and me as the flower girl throwing petals after the B&G (I thought it would be entertaining, to say the least). There would be a three tiered wedding cake (I’m told the top two tiers are fake, and only the bottom was edible cake. The things you learn!) and strictly NO DANCING.

Following the church wedding we would have photoshooting around the Rocks, Mrs Macquarie’s Chair, Wollomolloo, La Perouse, etc etc.

After all’s done, we would have the dinner reception at a Chinese Restaraunt in the city. The usual big Asian banquet style with an imaginatively-named menu. E.g., the desert is called “100 years of good companionship” which is just the usual desert drink you get at the end of a Chinese meal.

Now, being a girl of detail, there must be a colour theme to this wedding. Both B&G’s favourite colour is lilac (they even have a feature wall in their apartment painted light purple – that’s fanatic but looks good), so our theme colour was purple and cream for the morning wedding, and purple and silver for the night reception. This meant all invitations, decorations, flowers, bouquets, car deco, gift boxes, and even bridesmaid dresses and best men ties were all liliac, or shades of purple and cream/ silver.

All was PERFECT – in my mind.

THEN………….

We had issues booking a church – so church idea SCRAPED.

We had issues booking restaraunt in city – so restaraunt SCRAPED.

Actually it all started when the original Wedding Planner pissed off the B&G (Bad move) – So Wedding Planner guy DUMPED.

Then we couldn’t decide whether we want to give chocolates to guests as gifts, and in the end – chocolate idea REJECTED.

Then the photo shoot on Wedding Day was changed to another day.

Then as the wedding got more and more casual, the purple idea faded as well (my dress is peach/ orange in colour…)

BUT……………….

Instead we now have a Buddhist Wedding in a monastery.

And the dinner reception will be at Pymont’s Fishmen Chinese Restaraunt, where we have half the restaraunt divided just for us (with the bar!) and FREE PARKING.

And for gifts we bought a whole heap of soap-carved roses from a family friend, which are so beautiful we’ve kept a whole heap for ourselves!

And we have the pre-wedding photo shoot this Sunday, which is much better than rushing it on the wedding day.

And we still have some things purple, some things orange, some things….oh it’s a colourful wedding!

And most importantly, we have a Wedding Planner doing it all for free, on call 24/7 and has a few surprises up her sleeve for the B&G.

SO ALL IN ALL………….

I think it’s going to be ok!

And if it goes well, that’s another thing I can add to my “Life CV” along with all the other “little projects” I currently have on in my life at the moment! I think I’m going to have to ask for some 34 hour days to fit it all in!

WALKING DOWN THAT ISLE

I’ve learnt a really valuable lesson in all of this. I’ve been reassured many many times that no matter how much I plan, surprises are waiting to pounce and nothing will turn out the way I planned it. Just the fact that our original plan has made a complete 180 degree turn shows this.

As we look down that isle of life, we can imagine ourselves walking down it. Some may imagine how graceful, beaming, and loved we feel at that moment. Some may be looking forward to seeing their partner waiting at the end. Some may picture the people we love watching as we pass them by. Others may be worried about the right que to wonder in, or wonder which bast**d would trip us over. But until we take that first step, and the next, we will never know.  And once we do, that’s a new beginning in a new journey down our isle – and there’s no way to know what will happen on our walk down, and what awaits us at the end.

A thousand mile journey………..

begins with one step………….

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Going Stingy

May 7, 2009

With the way the current economy is heading, and with the way the news of gloom and doom keep arriving at our doorsteps, it’s time to check our money-spending/ wasting habits. Time to redraw that line between want and need, between enough and greed. Most importantly, it’s a time to shamelessly practice stinginess.

That’s right dear stingy readers, you can finally be proud (well sort of) to be a penny-miser. Here’s some tips to make the most of your dollar (or cents as you will soon see) on the staples of life.

Exercise

Cheapskate tip #1: Don’t worry about heading to the gym. Just walk/ run everywhere you’re going. It’ll save you petrol (on top of the other petrol-saving methods below – bargain!) and it’ll save the environment. Meeting new clients in sweats (and in a sweat) is also a good ice breaker, especially if you can come up with a different but interesting story each time.

Cheapskate tip #2: I don’t need to do a lot of exercise to stay fit. I get enough exercise pushing my luck.

Petrol

Cheapskate tip #3: When pumping petrol, pump up to $0.02 and pay by cash. E.g., $20.07 or $50.02. If you go over to $50.03 you will bring shame to our Asian Ancestors.

Cheapskate tip #4: After you fill your tank, make sure you hold the hose vertically so all the petrol runs from the tube to your car. Otherwise you are wasting good petrol that you have paid good money for, and will get 7 kms of bad luck.

Cheapskate tip #5: When you go to pay for your petrol, and the checkout guy/ gal asks if you have any discount vouchers, smile and say “No, unless you have one for me.” (Flirting optional. Good looks not necessary but highly useful.) Who knows, they might even keep one for you so you get a 4c discount every week!

True story! All have worked fantastically and to date since I’ve started driving I have saved myself probably $10 !!!

Clothes

Cheapskate #6: Winter fashion is great as it consists of boots and coats. Invest in a nice coat and wear it everywhere, everyday, and don’t take it off. Tell people you’re actually wearing something different underneath everyday. There’s two precautions though. First, if you do decide to change the coat, people may not be able to recognise you anymore. Second, if you don’t change your coat even after winter, men in white coats might be called in to pay you a visit.

Shelter

It’s surprising just how many free accommodations are available out there, often just not looked into carefully. Places like, parent’s home, friend’s couch, temples, churches, hotel lounges, airport waiting rooms, hospital beds, police cells, refugee camps, Tasmania…

Food

This ones easy. Just don’t eat. Free diet too!

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Nagging Part 2

March 23, 2009

That’s right. The nagging continues.

It happened near the end of my family dinner. My dad and brothers had left the table (good move), and I was left with mum.

“Don’t forget you need to do XYZ tomorrow, and buy of ABC, and … CDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVW…”

“Yes mum”

“Don’t forget you need to go [here] and [there] with me on Saturday.”

“Mum…”

“And don’t forget…”

“Mum, you’re nagging again.”

… quiet …

I was expecting her to nag on about how she doesn’t nag, so I wasn’t expecting what she said next.

“You know Tina, there’s lots of kids who complain about their mums nagging, but when their mum’s aren’t here anymore, a lot of them say how much they miss their mum’s nagging.”

“That’s so true mum. I love you.”

Nah, that’s not what I said. I should’ve, would’ve been nice, but instead I said, “Yea right, ain’t gonna happen to me, mum. I will miss you, whether you nag or not. So that’s no excuse to nag!”

Being mum, she of course has the last word: “I may tell you to do this and do that, but that’s only because I care. Look at your dad. He doesn’t nag. But He doesn’t care either whether you have enough to eat, whether you come home at night alright – he sleeps soundly regardless – whether you have your life in order.”

Funny how mum managed to equate CARE = NAG. NO NAG = NO CARE.

Anyways, that night I received an email attachment entitled “Mean Mums”. How appropriate, I thought.

It happened to be a poor attempt at constructing a poem, but quite fitting to my circumstances nonetheless. It read:

~ M E A N   M U M S ~

Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent,

I will tell them, as my Mean Mum told me:

I loved you enough…to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough…to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.

Was your Mum mean? I know mine was.

While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs and toast.

When others had a Pepsi and Twisties for lunch,we had to eat sandwiches.

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times, who our friends were, and what we were doing with them.

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labour Laws by making us work.

We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenages, she could read our minds, and had eyes in the back of her head. Back then, life was really tough!

While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16. [Yeah right]

Because of our mother, we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalising other’s property or even arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.

Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mum was. Perhaps that’s what’s wrong with the world today. It just doesn’t have enough mean mums!

To think all this time we thought world peace was to be achieved though ending conflict and spreading compassion, when really it was just we needed more meaner mums! Don’t tell my mum that, otherwise she’ll tell me her nagging is going to get her the Noble Peace Prize!

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A Real Holiday

March 11, 2009

The state of my blog is often a true opposite of the state of my life. If it’s desolate of updates as it currently stands, it means I’m as busy as a runaway turkey at Christmas. If it’s filled with a series of amazing entries, the turkey’s either happily escaped (I’m retired) or caught (I’m fired).

But thanks to the persistent encouragement (read: nagging) of my fans (read: bored bloggers), I’m back! And what better topic to write about than…holidays.

It’s definitely a sign of the times when a common phrase heard (often in the form of an exasperated and tired declaration) is “I need a holiday” (swearing optional). Note “need”, not “want”.

Now when we say we need a holiday, I would say about 70% of the time nothing eventuates. Why? Firstly because organising a holiday itself requires another holiday to de-stress ourselves from all the stress of planning that holiday. To exemplify: you need to get leave from work, pass your responsibility onto some other sucker, find a suitable sucker so you don’t return to chaos (or asked to never return at all), and you may need to do some sucking up to the sucker. Then there’s finding a place to go, place to stay, place to visit, place with things to do, and place to take you to that place (e.g., Flight Centre or Uncle Chow’s boat escapes). Then you need to find a travelling buddy who is just as crazy as you are to take a month’s leave in the middle of March for some “me” time.

Then of course there’s the cost. Cost for travelling, accommodation, food, Uncle Chow, souvenirs for your colleagues (read: bribe to sucker) and any significant others that you’ve left behind to pay your mortgage while you’ve been away (lucky you). Not to mention the opportunity cost of the money you could be making while you sip coconut juice in Phuket watching the clouds form irrelevant patterns in the sky.

Then for the 30% who do finally end up going, 11% return with smiles of contentment on their faces (10% of whom the smiles lasts for 3 days or until they return to work), 7% return pissed off at their partner, 4% return pissed off at their screaming kids, 3% return pissed off at customs and/or airport security, 1% return pissed off at Channel 9 because they didn’t get on Customs, and 4% return pissed off for no particular reason except it makes for a better story to have something to whinge about (especially to the sucker colleague or left-behind significant other – “You didn’t miss anything darling”).

Yet the real reason why holidays can be such hard work is because although we may be physically on holidays, mentally we aren’t. Our eyes might see the amazing views, our ears might hear the symphonies of nature, our nose may smell the fragrance of the fields, our mouth may taste the sweetness of spring, and our bodies may be embraced by the gentleness of the world…and yet, our mind is still trapped in the busyness of thought. We may be in a different time zone, different area code, speaking in different languages, and yet, our mind is still trapped in its usual thought patterns of planning, worrying, stressing, controlling, criticising, scheming, calculating, daydreaming, etc. The mind is still preoccupied with its past memories or future plans, without really appreciating the entirety of the world before it.

Now here’s the good news. Just as our body can be on holidays, while our spirit is imprisoned, the opposite is also true – even if we can’t physically be holidaying, our spirit can still be free. Take short weekend trips to a place you’ve never been before to expand your horizons. Make short visits with people you haven’t met in some time to remind them you still care. Most importantly, take short moments throughout your day to just stop and return. Stop the busyness of what you’re doing, but also what you’re thinking. Return to the quietness of your soul, the stillness of your mind, and affirm your intention in whatever you’re pursuing. Even if you can only do this just for a minute, that minute has the potential of giving you more peace than a thousand minutes of mad holidaying. What’s more, you will have the same smile of contentment as the 1% who return with a smile forever painted on their faces!

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The season of giving

December 8, 2008

On 1st December, I felt a flush of anxiety and confusion as my mind’s light bulb clicked on and I realised the daunting truth that December has arrived.

 

December has a slightly different feel to it compared with the other months. In November, you know the year’s ending, but you still feel you have some time left. But December – being the last month – is it. You have 31 days to justify the significance of 2008, so when New Year’s eve comes around and you look back at the year that’s past, you can smile instead of sigh.

I won’t do my year’s review yet, because I still have 23 days to go. Instead, I’ll talk about Christmas because right now I’m procrastinating on writing Christmas cards.

I love gifts of all kinds, not only receiving but giving as well. I love making gifts and writing cards. Giving someone a piece of uniqueness so they know that they are special and deserve something that’s not just from a production line, but from the heart. But when it comes to Christmas, I feel I’m working on a production line as I mass produce all these ‘unique’ gifts. I might start off enthusiastic, but by the tenth card, it’s copy and paste. This also explains why I’m procrastinating and writing in here instead of on those nicely decorated cards laid out in front of me.

But this year I endeavour to be different. I’m changing my intention of writing. I’m going to write not because I have to, but because I want to; not because everyone else is doing it; but because I want to personally give the receipient my wishes and my thanks for everything that they have given me. Instead of seeing it as a chore, it’s really an opportunity to stop in our busy life to appreciate those who have made our lives so wonderful, and who have allowed us to make 2008 significant and meaningful.

Christmas is indeed the time of giving, thanking, laughing, partying and appreciating.

So hopefully you too can make it past the tenth card without being jaded!

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Tina on TV

November 14, 2008

That’s right. Finally I can have my five minutes of fame!

I will be appearing on The Hack Half Hour screening next Monday 17th November on ABC 2 at 8.30pm. The topic discussed is SEX & FAITH amongst youths from all faiths. I was asked to represent the Buddhist point of view in the discussion.

I have to say, it was quite an experience. I still can’t believe I did it. I knew no one there, didn’t know what to expect, hadn’t seen (nor heard of) the show before, and I was running the risk of making a fool of myself on national TV. When I got there and introduced myself to the other participants, I met theologians, professors, priests, celebrities, and people who seemed to know what they were talking about. To top it all off, when I met the Buddhist practitioner, Roy, he started showing me the notes he had and the research he did. That’s when I really started panicking because the only “preparation” I did for the night was figuring out where I had to go and having a cursory glance at the show’s website.

So for a good two minutes my body went cold as I realised exactly what I had gotten myself into.

But it’s not like me to back down.

So I did what I usually do when I’m nervous prior to public speaking – I breathed deeply, smiled to myself and focused my attention on the task at hand instead of my on-the-verge-of-nervous-breakdown ego. What was the task at hand? To share a piece of Buddhism with everyone. To make the most of the opportunity to speak the dhamma. To enjoy the unique experience. By redirecting my attention from myself to an alturistic goal, my anxieties disappeared as quickly as they came, and the flow of loving-kindness in me returned. By reminding myself that I was not there to promote myself but to promote Buddhism gave me strength and joy to beam on.

Walking into the studio was an amazing feeling. I had seen the set on my computer screen when I did my “extensive” preparation checking out the show’s website. Now the set lay in front of me – real. It was such a surreal feeling, similar to when you meet celebrities in real life (of course they look better on film).

We were all strategically seated. Some of us were there as “fillers” and to provide comments when we wanted to. I was actually told that they liked what I had to say about Buddhism (they had called me earlier to gauge how much I knew about Buddhism and about having a personality) and was specifically asked if I could mention my points on the show that night. So lucky for me throughout the show the host specifically asked me for the Buddhist perspective on the various topics, so I didn’t need to force my way into the conversation, as the others were doing. (Which wouldn’t be the Buddhist way anyway.)

The two topics we discussed were (1) chastity, and (2) homosexuality. One of the challenges I faced in speaking about these two topics is that I think they were chosen specifically with Christianity in mind in particular. The Buddhist view is quite different from the other faiths, as there is no outright prohibition of them. The focus is less on the act itself, and more on the underlying morality of the act. Buddhist morality – and sexual morality as prescribed in the third precept – centres on conduct that does not harm others and oneself. The difficulty often arises when there is inconsistency as to what benefits oneself and that of others.

So my view is that Buddhists do not have restrictions on pre-marital sex, as long as it doesn’t create problems and unhappiness in others. For example, I don’t see any problems with pre-marital sex that is consensual and faithful to the relevant partner. On the other hand, it could be a problem, say in cultures and communities that are particularly sensitive to pre-marital sex. Then it would be necessary to consider how our actions might impact on our family and extended communities.

Similar guidelines exist for homosexuality. So although it is not condoned in Buddhism, a moral approach to a same-sex relationship is integral to a Buddhist’s practice.

There was a lot of discussion about whether faith and sex regulation should be separate. I believe that true practice of Buddhism prevails all aspects of our life, including in the bedroom. So sexual morality is intimately linked to our self-development as a person.

Of course, the above practice of sexual morality is practiced by lay practitioners, that is, those who have not joined the Order of monks and nuns. Buddhist monks and nuns are celibate and choose to lead lives that are focused on understanding and not chasing desires. But of course, that’s a whole different topic from the one we were discussing!

The recording happened on 7th October 2008, and went for about 1.30 hours. Apparently the show goes for half an hour or so. Now I know why the show is called “Hack Half Hour”! So we will need to wait for Monday to see whether I get my 5 minutes of fame or not. Oh, and for obviously strategic reasons, I was wearing yellow!

The Hack Half Hour

Monday November  17, 2008  ABC2 8.30pm

SEX AND SIN
What role does your faith play in your sex life? For most religions sex is something that’s reserved for straight married couples but how is it that something that can feel so good be so bad? Obviously for some people these beliefs have deep spiritual meaning while for others they can cause angst and guilt. So why do these ancient teachings still hold such sway in modern society? In the discussion are dedicated virgins, sex advocates, gay Christians, Atheist Chris Taylor from the Chaser amongst others and at the centre of it is eighteen year old Nathan who wants to wait till he’s married.

For those of you who don’t get ABC2 you can always watch it streamed online:
www.abc.net.au/triplej/hackhalfhour

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